Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
