I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
