So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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