remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
