I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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