And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
