ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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