honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
