Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
