I accidentally had phone sex last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
