You really coming over, don't trick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
