my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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