You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
