there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
