You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
