she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
