Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
