Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
