We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
