and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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