When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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