Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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