My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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