i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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