I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
