apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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