i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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