which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
