he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
