My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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