I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
