I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
