People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
