the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
