I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
