dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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