i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
farters have to be the big spoon...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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