you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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