I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
