He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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