the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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