I accidentally had phone sex last night
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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