My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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