So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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