??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
