yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
