Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
