i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
