Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
