I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
