i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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