Nicole vs. Life
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
