We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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