You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
