im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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