saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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