Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
