His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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