i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So much Jack, so little girl.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
