Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
