It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
