FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
